


i broke my heart (but i mend yours)

by ningbabe



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Bottom Huening Kai, Exes, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Library Sex, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Porn with Feelings, Top Choi Soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26032927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ningbabe/pseuds/ningbabe
Summary: kai would have been perfectly happy ignoring choi soobin and their unresolved feelings for the rest of his life. easy task, but it doesn't go as planned.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 3
Kudos: 89





	i broke my heart (but i mend yours)

**Author's Note:**

> shit my fic is getting longer and longer someone slap me

"I hate him. I hate him," Kai whines to himself, practically emptying his closet out in one go.

Why did his cousin have to invite _him_ to dinner? Hasn't _he_ annoyed Kai enough today?

Kai throws himself onto his bed, and thinks back on this afternoon. He was just trying to fill a damn vase with water from the fountain, but Choi Soobin had decided to come pester him.

Soobin.

What an annoying boy. With his extremely good looks, and neverending charm. He annoyed Kai to no end.

They go way back. Soobin's mother was Kai's mother's favorite maid in the Huening household and Kai's father had pretty much adopted Soobin into their family. Therefore, Soobin was subject to perks, like tuition for school and privileges to their estate. Kai and him were best friends practically their whole life. They ran around the property together and made forts in Kai's room. They were together, always.

But when the boys entered high school, things started to change. Kai started to feel different about his older bestfriend, developing a romantic feelings for him. Long story short he told Soobin about his feelings and the latter confessed he felt the same way.

They were together three years before Kai got scared.

Scared at what others might think. Scared about their future. People in this day and age didn't take too kindly to homosexuality. So, even though it broke his heart, he broke it off with Soobin, telling him that nobody would ever accept them, and he hoped they could remain friends. Soobin had accepted it, but something was different. They drifted apart during their senior year, and even though they both attended the same college, they never really said anything to each other; other than a few cordial words occasionally.

Kai had simply accepted the fact that they were no longer the same little boys that had built forts out of blankets.

And it killed him.

Kai would have been perfectly happy ignoring the older male for the rest of his life, but while away at college he forgot that Soobin lived with him. Soobin lived in a house bordering the property, but it was still way to close to Kai.

Great.

If it was up to Kai he wouldn't be living at home. He would be in London, living it up as a lounge singer or something, but he's here. Back in Seoul. In the sweltering heat with Choi Soobin.

Kai looks out the window, and finds Soobin bending over the fountain. Kai can't help but look at his ass. Just because he hates him doesn't mean that he can't look, right?

Soobin turns and looks right up at Kai's window. Right into his eyes, and smirks slightly. Kai turns around and feels himself blush.

_No, he can't make you blush! You hate him._

Kai sighs and stands up, turning his back on the window to walk to the pile of clothes on the floor.

Tonight is going to be a long night.

* * *

Soobin knows he shouldn't go to this dinner. It’s a bad choice and he should probably just pretend that he’s sick or something so he could bail out. Because Choi Soobin doesn't belong there.

He knows he doesn’t but for some reason he finds himself pulling out his best suit and dress shoes. Soobin pretty much knows Kai is going to rip his head off. He hasn't been the nicest to him since their breakup. And he had a right to be, Kai broke his heart, if anything Soobin should be the one who snipes at Kai every time he sees him.

Even though Kai hurt him, Soobin can't actually hate him. After all of these years he still nurses a soft spot for Kai. No matter how much of an arrogant brat he's being with him

Soobin walks down the stairs of his and his mom's small, but cozy house in search of a dress shirt. He finds his mom dozing off on the couch, probably tired from all the cleaning she had to do today. Yeonjun, Kai’s cousin who has been living there for a year now, had invited his friend Kang Taehyun over for the summer, and that and the entire staff was on their feet all day, including Soobin, who had taken on gardening duties in order to pay back Mr. Huening for all the money he's invested on Soobin's education.

"Mother," he says, shaking his mother gently.

"What?" She wakes, jumping up from her chair in surprise.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you, but I need a dress shirt and I can't seem to find any."

"Oh, they're here. I already ironed them, dear," she says, handing Soobin a white, pressed shirt. "It's actually good you woke me, I need to get back to the main house to finish preparing dinner."

"Mother, no, you're tired. Get Beomgyu or someone else to do it, you should rest," Soobin says, concern heavy in his eyes.

"No, no, they're hopeless without me. I must go," Soobin's mother counters. "You go get ready, you're dining with the boss's son tonight."

Soobin groans. "He's going to rip my head off."

"It's only because he's a bit bitter you two had to end things."

"He's a lot bitter, and _he_ ended it," Soobin grits out, clutching at the shirt in his hand forcefully. His mother slaps his hand, giving him a reproachful look and smoothes out the shirt before handing it back to Soobin.

"All the same," she says. "I really have to go. I'll see you later tonight."

"Yeah, don't overwork yourself," Soobin says, concern evident in his face.

"I won't," his mother assures, smiling softly at her son. " You know, maybe all Kai wants is an apology," she says, as she walks out the door.

Soobin saunters back to his room, thinking. Maybe his mom's right. Maybe all Kai needs is an apology. Maybe after the apology Kai might change his attitude toward Soobin.

Taking a chance, Soobin turns to his typewriter and begins typing furiously.

"Dear Huening Kai—no, that's crap." Soobin rips the paper from the machine harshly, and crumbles it.

"Kai," he starts, and stills. What exactly does he want to say? Soobin's mind starts to drift to…well to thoughts he shouldn't be thinking about right now.

" _Kai, you may consider me mad, but lately I've been finding myself acting strangely and I don't think I can blame the heat…"_

Well that's a start. No, it's all wrong. As Soobin sits there thinking of something to say, he finds his mind getting away from him again. His thoughts drifting toward Kai, naked, lying in Soobin's bed, his body spread out wanton and his lips parted slightly as Soobin fucked him hard against the mattress. Kai is making these small noises that make Soobin move his hips faster and deeper until he spilled into his tight hole, coating his walls with his seeds.

In an act of spontaneity, Soobin surges forward suddenly and types something he shouldn't type, but damn he can't help it.

" _In my dreams I was fucking you so hard until you can’t walk the next day. But you liked it. You were enjoying it as much as I was. Crazy, right?"_

Yeah crazy. He has definitely gone crazy.

"What the hell is wrong with you Choi Soobin?" He scolds himself, removing the page and folding it. He's about to give up, when he looks around and spies a pen.

Maybe a handwritten letter is the way to go. He grabs the pen, and the words seem to flow through him.

" _Kai, I know that I probably have no right in writing this, but I wanted to apologize… for everything. For the past, and for the way I've been acting ever since we broke up. I just really want my best friend back. -Soobin."_

There. That seems adequate enough. Even though the part of him wanting to be friends is a lie. Soobin wants to be so much more than that, but he'll be lucky if Kai'll look at him in the eye after tonight.

Soobin sighs and folds the letter, placing it next to the unusable one. He gets up and makes to get ready, walking to the bathroom. Maybe a nice long bath will calm his nerves.

When he's deemed himself decent enough he grabs the letter, places it in an envelope and walks out of his room and then the house.

Soobin walks down the road, thinking of any and all excuses to talk to Kai and give him the letter when Yeonjun pops up from the bushes.

"Hey man," Soobin greets cordially.

"Hey," Yeonjun says, clearly sounding out of breath.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just taking a walk before dinner," Yeonjun answers, and Soobin knows it's not true. He was probably making out with Hwang Yeji. She's the daughter of one of the maids and she was relatively a nice girl, but most of the time she was rather annoying and loud. "I was going back to the house now, gotta wash up for dinner."

Suddenly Soobin is struck with an idea. "Hey Yeonjun, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Run over and give this to Kai for me?" Soobin asks, handing Yeonjun the envelope. It'll probably give Kai time to take in Soobin's apology so that Soobin doesn't have to grovel so hard when they come face to face.

"Sure, man. Let me just go and give this to him," Yeonjun says, and runs back in the direction of the main house.

It isn't until Yeonjun's gone that Soobin realizes something. What letter did he grab? The one on the left or the one on the right?

Holy shit.

He grabbed the wrong one. The letter he handwrote is still sitting next to his typewriter back home while the obscene one is currently on its way to Kai.

"Oh my God," Soobin says frantically. "Yeonjun!" He calls out, but Yeonjun is long gone. "Shit, shit, shit." Soobin walks rapidly in circles, trying to figure out how the hell he's going to get out of this one. As if Kai didn't hate him enough, now he's going to absolutely loath him. He wont even be able to look at Soobin in the face anymore.

"Fuck," Soobin curses to himself. His chance to fix things with Kai has been ruined, and all thanks to one stupid letter. Soobin deliberates with himself for a moment, not really sure on whether he should run back home or face Kai. But after hitting his head on a nearby post, he decides to go to the dinner anyway, Might as well face the consequences of his actions, or in this case words. Who knows maybe he can get Kai alone to talk to him and apologize. He can blame the heat.

Soobin takes a deep breath and begins the now daunting path to Kai's house, gnawing on his lip and nails the whole way there.

* * *

Kai must have gone through his entire wardrobe before he found something suitable to wear.

It's funny really, because Kai ends up choosing the most basic black tuxedo. Why the hell us he so worried about impressing Soobin Choi?

He doesn't need to impress Soobin at all. Not gorgeous, sweet, gentle Choi Soobin. No Kai, stop it!

Kai rolls his eyes to himself and after checking his hair one final time, ventures off to the sitting room where he, Yeonjun and Taehyun were to enjoy some pre-dinner cocktails.

When he enters the room he only finds Taehyun, already sipping on what looked like straight scotch and his butler Beomyu.

"Taehyunie," Kai says, garnering the boys attention. "Long time no see."

"Ningning," Taehyun smiles and bounds forward to hug Kai fiercely.

"Okay Taehyun, can you let me breath?"

Taehyun releases Kai and turns to the bar. "What do you want, Ningning?"

"Gin and Tonic," Kai answers, almost sounding bored.

"Nice choice," Beomgyu commends, and fixes Kai his drink.

"So, where's dearest cousin?" Kai wonders. It's strange that Taehyun is sitting at the bar by himself without Yeonjun talking his ear off.

"No idea. I just got here like twenty minutes ago. He was nowhere to be found." Taehyun says, handing Kai his drink.

"Thanks."

Beomgyu opens his mouth to say something, but at that precise moment Yeonjun bursts through the door.

"Beomgyu!" He yells and runs to him, shoving the letter in Kai's hand as he goes.

Kai looks at the envelope, puzzled. There's no name on the front so who can this be from? He opens the envelope, pulls the letter from within it and lets out a gasp as he reads it.

"Y-Yeonjun," he says shakily. "Yeonjun, who's this from?" he asks hoping that maybe it's some sick prank. Oh god, it had better be a sick prank.

Yeonjun turns slightly. "Oh, it's from Soobin," he answers before turning back to Beomgyu.

Kai's eyes widen. This letter is from Soobin? Why the hell us he sending this to Kai? What does it mean? Why the hell does it affect Kai the way it's affecting him?

Kai doesn't have time to freak out because the doorbell rings and he knows that it's Soobin and now when Kai sees him he's not going to be able to get the letter out of his head. He has to talk to him about it, he has to see why the hell he would send him this.

"I got it," he announces to the room and the boys merely wave him off.

Kai makes his way quickly through the house, stuffing the letter into his jacket, and takes a deep breath before opening the door.

There, looking so gorgeous it isn't even fair, is Soobin. An expression of complete worry on his face.

"Hello Soobin," Kai says courteously, and Soobin smiles at him hopefully.

"Hello Kai, how are you?" he says. Kai merely nods and turns on his heal, hopping that Soobin will get the message and follow him. Apparently he does because Soobin is following Kai through the house and into the library. Once they're inside and Kai's turned on the light on the desk, he turns around looking Soobin in the face.

"Look, about the letter," Soobin says first, but Kai holds his hand out, signaling him to stop.

"Why?" Is all he asks, his face is expressionless, his voice is even, and quite frankly it's scaring the hell out of Soobin.

"Why did I send you this letter, you mean?" He asks, his hands shaking.

"Yes," Kai answers trying to keep his voice even.

Soobin takes a deep breath, his eyes darting around the room. "I…I didn't mean to send it to you. There was another letter, something more…well, something not as…vulgar as the one you're holding. That letter was not for your eyes."

"Oh, so it was for your own sick pleasure? Something for you to…to look at while you…you know," Kai rages, anger overshadowing every other emotion in his body.

Soobin cowers back, afraid of Kai's wrath. "No, Kai, really I…I never meant to write it. I had written something more…proper more…look, Kai, I just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize about what?" Kai snaps, because really, what does Soobin have to apologize about? "You're not the one that ended what we had. You're not the one that… broke a heart…"

"I did though. I was horrible to you after our break up, Kai. You said you wanted to continue being friends and I ignored you," Soobin says, pacing around the room.

"I know why you did it," Kai whispers sadly, because he does. He knows that Soobin didn't want to be friends with him after their relationship ended because there was always going to be a small part of him that wanted something more with Kai. He knows that feeling all too well, because he's had that feeling many times in the years that he and Soobin have been apart.

"No you don't," Soobin says, shaking his head. "You can't possibly know why I ignored you. Why I didn't even want to be friends anymore."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't!" Soobin nearly yells, and Kai takes a step back, fear overtaking his body in a split second. This is the first time Soobin has ever raised his voice on him. "You _don't_ know. How could you possibly know? I was in love with you, Kai, and you broke my heart. You broke me, and I had to…forget about you. I had to get you out of my head and that's why I ignored you. I couldn't be friends with you because every minute I spent with you only reminded me of what we didn't have anymore."

"Soobin…" Kai whispers shakily, tentatively taking a step forward.

"I never stopped loving you," Soobin admits, looking up at Kai with watery eyes. "Never, and I've done nothing wrong. You were the one to end things. You were the one who stomped on my heart, and you're the one that is rude to me and always snaps at me. I should be the one to be bitter, because I was the one who was wronged here. But I'm not because I can't be mad at you. Even though I want to hate you with every fiber of my being, I just can't. Because I fucking love you so much." He slams his hand on the desk in frustration, finally letting the angry tears fall from his eyes, and Kai realizes just what he's done.

He didn't know just how much he had broken Soobin back when he ended things with him. He thought he would bounce back because he's Soobin. He's so strong and invincible and nothing can hurt him, but now Kai is realizing that he's hurt him. And to make things worse he's always rude to him. Soobin is right, he's done nothing wrong.

And fuck, Kai hates it. He hates that he's this…this…bitch. All the fucking time. He just wants to yell at something because his actions have broken Soobin. His strong, gentle Soobin. Actually, Kai's not really sure he can call Soobin his anymore. Not after everything's he's done.

"Soobin, I'm…sorry," Kai whispers, because he can't figure out what else to say. "I didn't know how much…pain I was putting you in. I…I'm a horrible person."

"You're not," Soobin says angrily and it catches Kai by surprise. "You're not, you're beautiful, and kind, and…perfect."

Kai is truly taken aback by Soobin response. Even after all Kai's put him through, Soobin is still calling him beautiful and perfect…because he loves him. He's always loved him, and Kai has too. He's never stopped.

And just like that it hits Kai. He shouldn't care what people say about his personal life. It was his personal life and if he wants to date and love Soobin then by god he's going to.

Slowly, he walks forward where Soobin's looking at the desk, his hands gripping the edges tightly. Kai grabs Soobin's face, tilting it to the side to meet his lips in a hungry kiss. Soobin is caught off guard, but nonetheless returns the pressure on his lips, turning his body to push Kai up against the bookshelf. Kai sighs contentedly, and just melts into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Soobin's neck and basically attacking Soobin's mouth with his tongue.

God, he's missed this. Missed the taste of Soobin's tongue. He's gone so long without it and he swears silently to himself that he's never going to go without it again. It's like a drug. A delicious, addicting drug that Kai can never get enough of.

Soobin presses himself closer to Kai's body, his hands pushing Kai's jacket off followed by his tie. All the while Kai's lips never leave Soobin's, he kisses Soobin until he can feel his lips bruise, and even then Soobin's lips never leave Kai's skin. He kisses down Kai's neck, licking and sucking at random spots. When Soobin reaches a spot just under Kai's jaw, Kai releases a high pitched moan, his hands pressing even harder into Soobin's back.

"S-Soobin, fuck me," Kai begs, and Soobin pulls back to look at him. His dark orbs piercing right through to Kai's soul.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Yes," Kai answers. "Why? Don't you want to?'

"No, of course I want to, I do. It's just that…I've never really been with anybody…you know…sexually since…we broke up," Soobin admits, and Kai gapes at him.

In their relationship they had held off on the sex, always saying that they weren't ready to take things so far so soon. But that doesn't meant hat they weren't complete prudes throughout their entire relationship. They had indulged in hand jobs and blow jobs, and they were quite good at it.

It's shocking now that Soobin is telling Kai that he's never been with someone else, because…it's Soobin. He's gorgeous and looks even better naked, he should have been a boy and girl magnet.

"O-Oh, you… haven't?" Kai asks, and Soobin shakes his head. "So that means you're still…"

"A virgin? Yeah," Soobin confesses, and even in the dim light of the library, Kai can see his cheeks have ignited in a bright red color.

Kai smiles softly, and returns his lips to Soobin's, delivering a tender kiss this time as opposed to returning to the animalistic one like before.

"You don't…you don't mind?" Soobin asks, bewildered.

"Of course I don't mind…I…I'm one too." Kai admits, smiling shyly at Soobin. "I never really found a boy who could compare to you, so I didn't even bother going to bed with them."

Soobin looks at him in shock before he grabs Kai’s small face between his big hands.

"Fuck, I love you so much, Huening Kai," Soobin says before crashing his lips to Kai's with renewed passion that knocks the air out of Kai's lungs.

"L-Love you too," Kai gasps out against Soobin's lips, and he realizes that the words have never been truer. He does love Soobin, he did back then and he always will. No matter what society says, they're always going to be soul mates.

"Are you sure you want to do this here?" Soobin asks, his fingers tracing Kai's face delicately. "You know, since it's the first time for both of us."

"Yes." Kai basically doesn't care that they're in the library. All he wants is to feel Soobin. In every way possible. Besides, they've got the rest of their lives to have all the romantic sex they want. "Take me," he whispers, and he knows that it sounds horribly cliché, but he's losing his virginity, the words 'fuck me' aren't remotely romantic enough for the occasion.

Soobin looks into Kai's eyes one final time before he leans forward to press his lips to Kai's, trying to pour every single ounce of love and tenderness into that kiss.

"Soobin, please," Kai whines, peppering Soobin's face with tiny kisses.

"I need you to tell me," Soobin murmurs.

"Tell you what?"

"That you love me. That you're not doing this because you feel bad for treating me like shit all these years. That you want me to…take your virginity," Soobin says, his eyes teary, and Kai's heart breaks at this.

"Soobin, I…of course I love you. Do you know how many times I regretted the fact that I didn't lose my virginity to you? God, I didn't want to have sex with any of those other boys because I didn't want to lose my virginity to them. I wanted to lose it to you. I want you, Soobin, fuck I want you so bad." Kai surges forward, attaching himself to Soobin's face. "Please, Soobin, make love to me."

Soobin pulls away, and Kai nearly thinks that he's going to leave, but then Soobin slowly removes his own jacket, pulling at his tie. He unbuttons his shirt and shrugs it off, stepping back a little so that Kai can look at him.

God, Kai's almost forgotten just how beautiful Soobin looks like without his shirt on. He's seen Soobin without a shirt countless of times after their break up, naturally, but never this intimate. Well, not since they were together.

Slowly, Kai reaches out and runs his hand down Soobin's toned stomach, bringing a deep noise from within Soobin's chest, almost like a purr.

"I almost forgot how beautiful you are," Kai states, running his thumb across the scar on Soobin's shoulder. He's had that scar since he was 13. He'd gotten it when he fell into a rose bush and getting speared by one of the thick stems because he tried to protect Kai from his bullies.

"I'm not beautiful," Soobin whispers diffidently, and Kai places his fingers over his lips.

"You are," he says stubbornly, leaving a peck on his lips. "You are undeniably gorgeous, Soobin."

Soobin chuckles softly and leans in to Kai's shoulder. "I'm not as gorgeous as you, my beautiful angel." he says, voice hoarse.

Kai freezes. It's been so long since Soobin's called him that. He used to say it every day, and it was once Kai's favorite part of the day. Since they broke up, he's tried to get rid of the emotional ties the name angel held for him. He's so glad he doesn't have to cry a river when he hears it anymore.

"You haven't called me that since we broke up," Kai whispers, breathing a little shallowly.

"Oh, should I not call you that? I'm sorry," Soobin says hurriedly, but Kai shakes his head, pressing his lips to Soobin's neck.

"No, it's okay…I missed you calling me that," Kai admits, and he can't see it, but he knows that Soobin is smiling. Deep down Kai knows that he missed calling Kai his angel.

"I don't mean to rush you, but we really don't have so much time. They're expecting us for dinner," Kai reminds Soobin, wishing like hell he can just skip dinner and spend the night in bed with Soobin, but he knows that his father would kill him if he misses a family dinner.

"Do you want to…do this later?" Soobin asks, and Kai throws him a bratty look. "I don't want to rush it."

"Soobin, we have the rest of our lives to go slow, right now I just want you inside of me," Kai says, mouthing at Soobin's neck.

"You…you said the rest of our lives," Soobin states dumbly, not believing the words left Kai's mouth.

"Yes. Soobin, I am never letting you go again. I'm in this till the end," Kai promises, with as much certainty as he can muster, looking up at Soobin whose eyes are shining with tears.

"You mean it?"

"I mean it."

Soobin surges forward, connecting his lips to Kai's furiously, working at Kai's own jacket and bowtie. Once Kai is as bare as him at the top, Soobin starts reacquainting himself with Kai's creamy white skin, running his fingers across Kai's sensitive nipples and tugging slightly.

"Soobinie, please," Kai whines kicking off his shoes. Soobin slides down Kai's body, unzipping his trousers and tugging them down his legs, underwear and all. When he gets to Kai's sock covered feet, Soobin lifts a leg at a time to remove the socks and expose Kai's feet, leaving him completely bare. Soobin stands back up and rakes his eyes down Kai's body. This is the first time in years that Kai's been completely naked in front of Soobin, and he can't help but feel nervous. What if Soobin doesn't like what he sees? What if Soobin's developed a taste for more toned guys?

"Hey, don't do that," Soobin says when Kai starts curling in on himself, trying to hide his body. "You're just as beautiful today as you were the last time I saw you."

Kai flushes and he knows for a fact that the blush goes all the way to his chest, judging by Soobin's chuckle.

"You should get…you should lose your pants too. It's only fair," Kai says shakily, and Soobin throws him a smile before stepping back to rid himself of the clothes on his lower body.

Kai's eyes widen when he takes in Soobin's fully naked body. Was his cock always that big? Or was Kai just unobservant? Either way, he has the sudden urge to get down on his knees and take it into his mouth. Oh my god, when did Kai's thoughts get so bold? Shouldn't he be the blushing virgin?

"Kai, you're staring," Soobin states, taking a step closer to him, and Kai can practically feel the heat radiating off of his body, and god does it feel good.

"S-sorry, I just…your body, Soobin," Kai says, and Soobin releases a loud chuckle at his words.

"It's the result of all of the hours I spend lugging around bags of fertilizer," he teases, and Kai playfully shoves him.

"Remind me to thank my dad for making you carry all of that."

Soobin smiles, and pushes Kai up against the bookshelf again, kissing him deeply. Kai moans into his mouth, his tongue gliding with Soobin's and he's getting into it when Soobin pulls away. Kai releases a displeased noise, but Soobin merely brings his fingers up to his mouth and Kai realizes what he's doing. He reaches up and redirects Soobin's fingers to his mouth, sucking on them and dragging his teeth across the pads of them, and Soobin moans, low and deep. Kai smiles around the fingers and continues to lave at them, getting the nice and wet, until Soobin pulls them out. He trails them down Kai's body, right past his cock and his balls, and halts at Kai's entrance.

Kai's breath hitches, as Soobin rubs his fingers around the rim, getting it wet. He can't believe that it's actually happening, after all of those years wanting for Soobin to do this to him, it's actually going to happen. Right here. Right now.

Soobin gently pushes a finger past the tight ring of muscle, and Kai releases a cry of pain. It hurts, he's not going to lie, but he didn't think it would burn this much. And Soobin is barely at one finger.

"Kai," Soobin whispers fretfully, halting his movements. "Am I hurting you, sweetheart?"

"Y-Yeah, but it's inevitable, don't stop, Soobin," Kai gasps out, and Soobin looks at him nervously.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, please," Kai pleads, and Soobin nods, moving his finger in and out slowly.

"Angel, I'm going to have to add another finger," he says, his voice small. Kai knows that Soobin doesn't want to hurt him.

"O-Okay."

Soobin pulls out and returns with two fingers, and fuck, the burn intensifies. He even stops for a while to grab his mother’s face oil that was left at the end of the table to make it easier for both of them. Soobin scissors those fingers, trying to stretch Kai as quickly as possible, but as time passes by, Kai starts to feel the pain fade, and pleasure overtake him.

"Mmm, Soobin, it's starting to feel good," Kai moans, moving his hips in time with Soobin's fingers.

"Yeah?"

Kai nods emphatically, dropping his head to Soobin's shoulder. The pleasure is just intensifying with every stroke in; and when Soobin crooks his fingers experimentally, Kai yells, actually yells out at the wave of pleasure that crashes over him. Thank god for soundproof walls.

"Soobin, again, do that again," Kai demands, and Soobin obeys, rubbing up against that spot as often as possible until Kai is practically weeping with pleasure.

"Binnie, please, I'm ready. I need you inside of me. Please," Kai sobs, and Soobin pulls his fingers free. He puts more oil into his palm and brings it to his cock, trying to get it wet enough so that it doesn't hurt Kai too much. He would rather be using lube, but then again, he's in the library at Kai's house…yeah, lube is not an option right now.

When he deems his cock wet enough, Soobin uses his hands to lift Kai, urging him to wrap his legs around Soobin's waist.

"This is really happening," Kai whispers excitedly.

"Yeah, are you sure?"

"Yes, Soobin, and if you ask me that one more time then I will seriously punch you," Kai grits out, wiggling in Soobin's arms slightly, and he can feel Soobin's erection against his ass, and he kind of wants it inside of him already.

"Sorry, I just really want to make sure it's what you want," Soobin says, his eyes half closed, because the friction he's getting from Kai's skin is fantastic.

"It is," Kai whispers, leaning in to give Soobin a tender kiss. "I want you, in every way possible."

Soobin smiles, leaning his forehead against Kai's briefly, before balancing Kai's weight on one arm while his other hand goes down to position his cock at Kai's entrance.

"Ready?"

Kai nods, biting his lip in anticipation. Soobin presses one final kiss to Kai's cheek and begins the push inside, slowly so as to not hurt him more than necessary. It still hurts though, it actually hurts a lot. Much more than Soobin's fingers hurt. But even though it hurts, it feels…right.

Soobin looks up and notices Kai's face screwed up in pain and he immediately stops, worry etched on his face.

"Angel, are you—" he starts, but Kai presses his lips to Soobin's in order to shut him up.

"Keep going Binnie, all the way in," Kai whines.

"All the way in?"

"All the way in."

Soobin nods and continues to push until he's completely inside of Kai and he stills, waiting for Kai to give him the go ahead to start moving.

After a few minutes, Kai feebly nods his head, latching on to Soobin's back. Soobin pulls out and pushes back in slowly, and the drag feels so good that Kai's head lolls back and hits the bookshelf.

"God, you feel so…so fucking good," Soobin groans, his hips moving sinuously slow. It still hurts, but it's getting better with each thrust in. with each stroke in, Kai starts to feel the pleasure beat out the pain, and before long it's completely washed out and all that's left is an overwhelming feeling that Kai can't believe he hasn't felt until now.

"Y-You too, B-Binnie." Kai stutters out, the desire for Soobin to move faster growing each second. "Y-You can, ah, move f-faster you know."

"I don't want to hurt you," Soobin grits out, clearly he wants to move faster as well.

"Y-You're not, nghhh, Soobin, it feels so, oh g-god, so good. Please, move faster," Kai moans, grabbing onto Soobin's shoulders so he can start moving, the pleasure intensifying like hell.

Soobin starts moving faster, letting go of Kai's hips to brace his hands on the bookshelf so he can move faster. All the while Kai's still moving his own hips, bearing down on Soobin's cock, his hands gripping Soobin even tighter, trying to pull him in even closer than he is now.

"God, Kai," Soobin groans, his hips snapping forward, causing Kai to be pushed into the bookshelf with each thrust. Kai doesn't really care, though. The shelf is digging into his back, and it should be uncomfortable to other people, but Kai doesn't really notice. All he's focused on right now is the feeling of Soobin inside of him. He always imagined what it would feel like, but he never imagined that it would feel like this. He feels like he's flying, as cliché as it sounds. It's a combination of that and feeling a fire burning deep in his belly. A fire that he never wants to get rid of because it just feels so damn good.

And the fact that he's doing this with Soobin, that his first time is with Soobin, adds a whole new element to this experience. Because along with the floaty feeling and the fire, Kai also feels butterflies. Those butterflies that are in his stomach every time he thinks about Soobin. That's what's making this experience so mind-blowing. The fact that Kai's not losing his virginity to any old person off of the streets, but to Soobin. The boy who he's been in love with since he was seven.

In an act of spontaneity, Kai leans in, connecting to his lips to Soobin's with such tenderness that it catches him off guard, making him stop his thrusting abruptly. Kai squeezes his shoulders to let him know to keep going. That just because he's kissing him in a way that completely doesn't match what they're doing from the waist down, doesn't mean that he should stop.

Soobin starts moving again, but this time he doesn't move in an animalistic pace. He thrusts in with long and deep strokes, displaying the same amount of tenderness as Kai had with that kiss.

"Oh my god," Kai keens, letting his head fall back against the bookshelf again. He knows that they're probably taking longer than they should be, but he's not inclined to care because this feels so perfect, and he never wants it to stop. He doesn't care that he's supposed to be in parlor, smiling and drinking with his family, Kai just wants to live in this moment with Soobin for as long as humanly possible.

But alas, he can't because he does have a dinner to get to. Him and Soobin have a dinner to get to and even though this is lovely, and perfect, Kai knows that he will get hell if his father catches him having sex with Soobin in the back of the library.

Soobin seems to sense this, and starts moving a smidgen faster, moving his hands back down to Kai's waist to help him move, trying to quicken their impending orgasms.

"S-Soobinie, oh god, yes," Kai whimpers, moving his hand from Soobin's back to jerk himself off, the burning in his stomach intensifying so that it's the only thing he feels now.

"Angel I’m—so, so close," Soobin grunts, his hips snapping forward rapidly.

"M-Me too, come with me," Kai mewls loudly, finally allowing himself to let go, coming all over his hand and Soobin's stomach.

Soobin, drops his head to Kai's shoulder, biting down on it to muffle his own pleasure filled scream, as he comes hard inside of Kai.

When they've both descended slightly from their highs, Soobin's legs finally give out and the both of them collapse to the floor in a sweaty, panting heap. Kai can start feeling the come trickle out of him and down his leg, and it might be hot in the heat of the moment, but right now it's pretty disgusting.

"Oh, yucky," Kai says, wiping the cum off of his leg.

"Here, let me," Soobin says, crawling to get his jacket from which he pulls out a handkerchief. He crawls back to Kai's side and starts cleaning him up, trying to be as gentle as possible seeing as Kai's probably sore. When he's finished he moves to rest against the bookshelf, still breathing a little heavily.

"I never knew you owned a handkerchief," Kai chuckles, moving over to nuzzle the side of Soobin's neck. "It's very proper-like of you."

"Well, when you're used to sweating most of the day, you start having a fondness for them," Soobin answers, wrapping his arms around Kai's body.

"Mmm, thank you, Soobinie." Kai sighs, closing his eyes for a minute to enjoy this moment with Soobin before he has to go back into the real world.

"For what?"

"For forgiving me. For not hating me for being a complete brat… for loving me."

Soobin smiles and presses a kiss to Kai's forehead. "Of course, and thank you. For giving yourself to me. For giving me the one thing that I will cherish forever."

"My virginity?"

"No, your love."

Kai grins widely, not being able to keep in the excitement he feels deep inside of himself right now.

"I just want to lay here with you forever," Kai breathes, resting his head on Soobin's chest, where he can clearly ear his heart beat.

"A much as I would love that, you know that we can't do that. We still have a dinner to go to. We're probably late."

"I don't care, I just had sex with the person I love. Nothing else really matters right now."

"As much as I agree with you, we have the rest of our lives to lie and do nothing, but right now we really have to present ourselves at that dinner. If not your father is going to think that I only came to try and seduce you into bed with me."

"Well, you kind of did," Kai points out, and Soobin chuckles. The sound is so lighthearted and blithe, and it's something that Kai hasn't heard in a long time. The sound gives him hope. That they're over their issues and can finally be happy together.

"There isn't a bed in here, though," Soobin defends, and now it's Kai's turn to laugh. "But in all seriousness we should probably get dressed."

Kai groans audibly, but nonetheless stands up and starts gathering his clothes. But the moment he stands up his legs give away under him.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Soobin curses low and Kai has to mute his whimper because he sounds so hot. “It really came true.”

“What came true?” he blinks confusedly.

A nervous laughter escapes Soobin’s mouth. “N-No. Nothing, let me help you.”

Once they're both dressed again, and Kai's fixed Soobin's tie, the two take one final glance at the bookshelf and walk out the door, hand in hand toward the dining room.

Kai knows that once they reach the dining room they're going to have to let go. He doesn't want to tell his parents right away, and Soobin agrees. So for now they're going to have to act as if they are only friends.

"Soobin," Kai says. "Will you…hold my hand…under the table? I…I don't really want to let go," he says bashfully, looking away.

"Of course I will. Anything for you, angel." Soobin responds immediately, squeezing Kai's hand one final time before letting go. Kai misses the warmth, but he knows that Soobin's hand is going to be in his soon, so for now he just smiles, and holds on to that thought.

Soobin gives Kai one final kiss before Kai pushes open the door.

Here it goes.


End file.
